The Big Bang Theory

The Universe is ironic.
(yes, I realize I say this a lot, but it's true...or at least in the movie I am in, in my head, starring me it is)

Formed from a big bang, it is continuously expanding across space and time, growing and dying, creating beauty and chaos in its wake. We are all like little atomic particles bumping into one another, affecting each others' paths, crossing each others' orbits. A lot of us try to fight those forces in one way or another- consciously or subconsciously. I used to for a long time until I found the courage to stop fighting and living in denial and just jump to take a leap of faith (for lack of a better term), knowing that the Universe will put everything in its proper place.

It's like those Chinese finger cuffs that kids play with.
Counter-intuitive as it may seem, the more you pull and fight the cuffs, the tighter they become. It's only when you stop resisting that they loosen and you are free. I just let go, stopped pulling and have found life to be so much more fulfilling.

"Shut the eff up with the zen/new agey crap! I want to hear about food!"

I know...I know. This space was never intended to be that kind of blog. I'm not hatin', believe me. There are plenty of great blogs of a more personal nature, but I'm not the most articulate when it comes to introspection...I'm working on it though in my quest for self-improvement. In fact, this blog is the product of that quest. It is a healthy form of expression that channels energy in a positive manner and gives me something to do that doesn't involve...uh...let's just say activities of a questionable nature. Fun as they were, they were just killing me mentally and physically. Food nourishes the soul, especially food from the heart.

"Gah! Finally a mention of food!"

I just needed to have a non-food entry to explain my absence from the blogosphere (dammit, that sounds so pompous and self-important...but there are people who actually read this and surely they wonder why there hasn't been anything new posted in a while...I think?). My plan was to try to write two to three times a month, and I was on that pace until:




Looking back, my first mistake was really deciding to go to Taco Bell...

It was a Wednesday night, somewhat late, and I was hungry. Craving something Mexican (I know, I know, Taco Bell is barely Mexican food), the Taco Bell a mile away on Broadway seemed like a good idea at the time. It would be quick and easy and I'd be home in 15 minutes. But alas the best laid plans of mice and men...

There is an expression I read in regards to poker, though I'm sure its origins are from somewhere other than the poker table:

Sometimes you're the bug. Sometimes you're the windshield.

I was a bug to a Ford Explorer's windshield.

I spaced out for a second, literally, as I was rolling up to (and through) the intersection of 16th & X St. I looked up as I entered the intersection and realized, "Oh shit, the light is red."

This thought was quickly followed by a glance to my left (where traffic was coming from) and a thought of, "Oh shit, I see a set of lights coming right at me..."

I once watched a show on the Discovery Channel about the human body and its reaction to dangerous, life threatening situations. They explained how the brain reacts so quickly that time appears to slow down to a person in a life threatening situation, allowing the person to act in time to save themselves from the perils they are about to face. Let me assure you. This is true. It happened to me. What was a split second seemed to expand to a few seconds, and while that doesn't seem like a lot of time, it is an eternity when you are faced with a literally make or break situation.

The logical reaction to such a situation would be to slam on the breaks, but having played with the finger cuffs one too many times, and being somewhat unconventional, I did the counter-intuitive thing: I hit the gas. Wheeeeee!

The sound of a car crash is an ugly one, especially if you're in one of the cars. Metal twisting. Glass shattering. Breaks squeaking. Tires skidding. All at once. All very quickly.

The moment of impact was scary, but oddly quiet. I just remember being slightly lifted from my seat and basically ending up in the passenger seat- Taco Bell scattered about. And everything came to a stop.

ok...I don't think I'm dead
I think therefore I am, so...
I'm conscious...yay!
no blood? no cuts? Check
[deep breath] no cracked ribs? Check
[twist the neck & back] no whiplash? Check
[lift up my shirt] no bruises? Check

If you look at the pics above you'll notice that the major point of impact was just behind my seat. Had I done the logical thing, I think I'd have been severely injured at best, severely dead the worst. The fact that in spite of that horrible impact, I was completely unscathed is, well, miraculous...and I don't really like to use that word, but I don't mind so much.

I was blessed.

I am blessed.

Why? I'm not so sure. I have some ideas, but I'll keep those to myself.

I will say this, however...cheesy as it may sound:

[WARNING: REALLY SAPPY STUFF AHEAD]

Life is a blessing, fragile and capable of being snuffed out in an instant. Hug him. Hug her...and hold it a second longer, awkward as it may seem at the time because you may never have the chance again. Tell him. Tell her...you love them, even if it seems weird to them, because if you do, you do and they should know because they and we all love being loved. Take those risks. Stop. Look around. Smell. Listen. Feel your skin. Always be in the moment, present and open. You, I may not be here in an hour or a day or a week or a year.

It is better to live one day as a lion than a hundred years as a sheep.

[END OF SAP. THANK YOU FOR YOUR INDULGENCE (THE MANAGEMENT)]

Oh, and I almost forgot...No more Taco Bell for me. I think this whole episode affirms the need to eat only at real Mexican food restaurants, lest the Universe remind me that to do otherwise will be at my own peril.

So, I haven't been able to get out to the Hood because, as you can see, my car was totaled and I have no means of transport. I did, however get a very reasonable settlement from my insurance company, with which I will not be buying a new car (I live downtown and a block from work...I hardly drove as it was). I will be using that money to travel with instead.

Where? I'm not so sure. I have some ideas, but I'll keep those to myself.

Funny, though, how losing my means of travel has given me the means to travel.

The Universe is ironic....